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A Closing Letter to 2018

Updated: Dec 10, 2019

Dear 2018,

I used to believe that I wasn't capable of certain things, like being on a tight, steady schedule. (The 9-5 life always scared me).

I used to think that I wouldn't be able to work multiple jobs while still nurturing and honing my creativity.

I used to think that I would forever be a victim to my own thoughts, doubts and fears; never fully living free of the restrictions I had drawn around myself.

I used to believe that I would always stay the same in specific areas of my life; my work ethic, my ability to love someone and be loved, my desire to be more than I am. I believed these were some of the constants in my life that I had no real control over, that these elements were merely imbedded within me from birth - not capable of altering or shifting.

This year has brought a growth among the greens. My inner garden has flourished in hues of gold, lavender, blush, and rose. What was once seeds under soil is now fresh life in bloom. I have learned that I am both the seed and the gardener; my own flourishing is at the beckoning of my will.

I always knew the power of my thoughts and their ability to move mountains or simply add light to my day. I knew that I can create what I want in my life by believing in my ability to do so, but even though I knew of the magic that dwells within me, I often forgot of its potential and wouldn't wave my wand. This year I remembered it's latent powers and put alchemy into my mornings, afternoons, and evenings - sometimes allowing it to drift into my dreams while at sleep.

The straps that I tied my arms and legs in when I decided that I would never trust again have been unbound and I decided by own will that I will no longer tell the story of a girl who's been betrayed, but of a woman who has grown from her pain.

I will take chances on love, I will trust in myself, all will be healed and renewed with the change of the seasons. I believe things are only going to get better from here and by my own belief, I am already carving out the path I walk upon.

This year, I chose to take on three jobs all while pursuing this urgency to continue writing what comes from my heart. This is what I'm meant to be doing. This is what I love. I know I'm meant to do this because it nourishes my soul when other parts of my life cannot. Writing feeds me. It drinks me. And I eat and drink from it.

This year has taught me that I don't need anyone but myself to create the happiness I've always been yearning for. I've set deep rooted intentions to work on my mindset, to focus on what I'm thinking about and what I'm sending out into my universe. The main lesson I take from this is that you create your destiny.

Your destiny starts with a day. With a moment. With a single breath. With the closing of your eyes. It starts small but with your own desire and will, you can grow this seed into a forest of trees that grow to reach the sky; of flowers that bloom to bask in the most sunlight.

For you are the seed. You are the flower. You are the tree. You are the sun. You are everything, my dear.

Come to remember your own power. Come to remember the truth of who you are.

We are at the start of a new year. This is your time. Write the story you were born to live. Become the believer in your own self. I promise you, the gifts you can give yourself when you realize who you are, are endless and bountiful.




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