As we get older, time feels as though it's moving faster with each passing day. Since the nature of time is swift and fleeting, we don't often realize how long we stay in patterns, relationships, jobs, or circumstances that we've outgrown.
We like to remain in our comfort zones because comfort equals security, and security is "safe." Our world won't flip upside down at any random moment because we're sticking to the normal routine of things, and "normal" offers us momentary happiness when choosing the traditional over the unexplored.
What is true happiness though when your mind drifts to daydreams of a different kind of life? What is real comfort when you'd prefer an elevated existence; a more loving partner; a job that gives you purpose; and a world you're excited to dive into every morning?
Time plays a major factor in our lives because we tend to think that we have more of it than we do, so when we're unsatisfied with something but are afraid to make change, we tell ourselves that we'll eventually rip the bandaid off and move forward with our lives, but just not yet.
We'll wait until we feel ready to take the plunge.
And so we wait, and we wait, and we wait. Months pass, years pass, and any time we say we'll finally break free from what no longer serves us, we make excuses for the timing not being right. Whether there's an upcoming birthday, holiday, trip, event, or just simply a week where we'd prefer not to deal with the pain that comes from making necessary but sorrowful change, we sit tight and continue waiting some more.
How much of our lives are spent waiting?
How much of our existence is put on hold until we'll really live?
I've done this many times throughout my life. I guess you could say I'm well versed in the art of lingering.
Lingering until something better comes along. Lingering until the change miraculously happens on its own. Lingering until I've been worn down to the bone and have no other option but to face darkness.
And so I did.
I chose the path of pain so that I could feel what my heart had been longing for; what my soul had been pushing me toward; what every fiber of my being was achingly inching me into.
I caught glimpses of my new life when I was still stagnant and terrified of moving. It revealed itself to me like soft snow drifting from the sky at dawn. It came to me like a warm breeze wandering off ocean waves. It welcomed me into its world in moments where I couldn't imagine any relief.
I knew it was real because I could taste its sweetness. I understood that it was calling for me because I could hear it beckoning. I recognized its embrace because it felt like home.
Once I knew in my heart that there was a new life waiting for me, that my visions weren't the result of complacency or delusion, I realized that I had to call upon a kind of strength I'd never felt before. I'd have to remember this fortitude when panic would ensue and beg me to return to what was. I'd have to remind myself of why I left in the first place, and that there was no security in what I was leaving behind.
"There is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” - Alan Cohen
I would have never imagined to be as happy and fulfilled as I am right now on my own. I used to place my contentment in others and I'd search for the missing piece within me in partners, friends, lovers, and jobs, and none of them ever fully fit. I believed that to be whole meant sharing my life with someone or something else, and it was only after I treaded through darkness, waiting for the light, that I met myself. The light shining on me now is brighter and more beautiful than I'd ever envisioned it to be.
I hope if you're reading this and are a fellow lingerer like I was, that you begin to really sit with yourself and the visions that come to you like sunrise after a heavy rainfall. I hope you know that you are worthy and deserving of a life beyond your wildest dreams. I hope you learn to listen to yourself and the yearnings within you, and understand that they're whispering divine messages to lead you where you're meant to be. I hope you know that it's okay to be ready for a new a life, but not ready to part ways with the old. I hope you know that you are always loved, always supported, and forever held in the warmth of your own light.
I hope you take a chance on yourself.
I hope you choose yourself.
I hope you meet your bliss.