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Missing You

I have these moments where missing you overwhelms me. It comes like heavy rainfall on a clear morning; like cold water hitting bare skin after a warm bath; like bringing my hand too close to a flame.

Missing you is sharp and unwavering, like a phantom pain in my limbs; my body aches and longs for you as though you are an essential part of its makeup. As though you belong within me somewhere, like you once did.

I never know what to expect or how to brace it. I only know that when you arrive I let you overpower me. If I allow you to consume me, then maybe I can feel you for a moment longer.

Lately you visit me in the early morning hours, somewhere between the quiet and the not yet brightened sky. I see you in the slow and steady movement of the trees outside my window. I hear you in the stir and rustle of the bushes in the wind. I feel you as though you are standing behind me, arms wrapped around my shoulders, your face buried in the arch of my neck.

You shake me from my waking life and suddenly I'm taken back to the day we met and how I was drawn to you like a magnetic force I had no control in resisting. Even now, I have no control.

Would you think I was crazy if I told you that I liked the discomfort that comes from missing you? That I actually wait for it to visit me because then I actually feel connected to something?

Do you miss me too or have you already tried to forget about me? To wipe out our history?

To me, you're still a story board with photos and quotes and mementos thread together by a string.

I hope my face is still in your memory, that I haven't become an empty canvas waiting to be filled with memories from another. Please tell me you haven't disregarded me, that I still hold some space in the back of your mind. If not your mind, allow me to dwell a moment longer in your heart.

Maybe I'm a phantom pain you experience from time to time, too. Maybe we are both just waking and dreaming, and then waking and dreaming again, somehow still caught between the day we first set eyes on each other and the night we decided to let one another go.


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