Lately I'm trying to trust in the timing of my life. I understand that I long to be twenty steps ahead most days and that I often want to rush my dreams, but I'm also aware that I sometimes stand in grace and am happy with where I am.
There are times that I imagine complete focus, total sobriety and full dedication, and then there are days that I'm pulled into a tide of reckless abandonment, self-destruction, and the pursuit of unadulterated freedom.
Some nights I think of you and crave your arms around my waist, your warm breath on the back of my neck, and your whispers in my ear, but most nights I find comfort in the solitude, peace among the quiet and fulfillment in the vacant space beside me.
I've discovered that I'll always want to be somewhere different than I am; I'm in a perpetual state of transitioning. Once I've reached the plateau of my desires, there's going to be another set of wishes I aspire to pursue.
I have one foot in the ethers and the other grounded here. My heart is with you and yet it's also my own again. My dreams are within arms reach but I still throw my hands out for what lies beneath them. I believe in myself but sometimes doubt can overwhelm.
It's okay to be in both spaces. It's okay to know and then not know. It's okay to remember and then forget again. We were born all knowing, all powerful, and all encompassing, but we weren't meant to recognize this right away.
Your life; this existence here; your constant journeying for more; the sky you soar and the soil you trudge; the simplicity that visits you followed by the dark night; the total bliss and the plummeting sadness; all of it, is meant for you.
You, my love, came here, for this. Do you remember? Can you see? I know you imagine a perfect life, but this moment you are living right now is just that. Please try to remember, my dear, that even in your pain and confusion, you once asked for this.
Close your eyes and look within...
for the spirit that breathed you into the being,
the soul that chose this path,
the light that is your home.