When I was a kid, I always loved summer more than any other season. I remember being around six or seven and getting so excited for the first warm day of spring that I would ask my mom to take out my bin of summer clothes from our crawl space so I could wear this one night gown that I loved. (Apparently this night gown was only worn in the summer).
This little night gown that was actually more of an enlarged short sleeved shirt with a Disney princess on the front represented a changing of seasons, a welcoming of warmth and dreamy June nights. I loved opening all my windows on those summer nights and feeling a balmy breeze roll in while being able to watch the moon and stars before falling asleep.
I was a little girl who loved to dream of all things magical and those summer nights alone in my pink room adorned with flowers, princesses and teddy bears was my little safe haven - the space where I was free to be myself and dream as big as I could.
I think there's actually some old home videos of my parents sneaking upstairs and filming me singing Disney songs to the night sky through the crack in my door. Yup, I was that kinda kid.
I've always considered myself to be enchanted with the bewitching and mysterious side of life - with the possibility of mystical encounters. Even to this day, I often view the world with child-like eyes and like to believe that any and all things are possible.
There are times where doubt creeps in though and false logic begins to rule my brain where I ask myself, Who do you think you are? Your dreams are too big. You can't be a published author. You're not good enough. You don't have the dedication, commitment or willpower to write a whole book. There are millions of people trying to publish their books, yours won't make it.
Are you familiar with this voice? Yours would most likely offer a different set of criticisms, but nonetheless, we all have that berating voice in our heads that likes to put us down and make us feel worthless.
What happened from childhood to adulthood where we not only developed this second, negative voice, but where we chose to listen to it? Why does the negative perspective or commentary tend to outweigh the good? Why do we focus on the criticism rather than sprout seeds of hope, optimism and belief in our capabilities?
I have such clear and profound moments of liberation where I know in my heart that I am going to accomplish my dreams. It feels so real that I could see and taste it. But the moments where I doubt myself feel just as real as the ones where I lift myself up.
I want to go back to being the little girl who didn't have a fearful thought in her mind - where no darkness lurked around any corner and where light cascaded through every dreamy thought.
I want to believe in myself and my dreams all of the time, not just in the quiet of morning or the late hours into the night. I want my will power, drive and ambition to override any hesitation or uncertainty.
I want this and I know I need this in order to live the life of my dreams. The next time I feel any pinch of doubt, any pang of fear, I will remember the little girl who couldn't wait to pull out her nightgown that one time of year in early May so that she could sit by her windowsill, stare out to the night sky and sing merely because she wanted to.
Where is your heart at?
Where can you dream more?
What song do you want to sing?
Whatever it may be, go sing it.
Sing it with everything you have inside.