When Will Enough Be Enough?
Do you ever ask yourself when enough will be enough? I mean, really enough?
When will you be completely satisfied with what you have, who you are and where you're headed in life? When will your accomplishments satiate you rather than push you toward new and bigger goals?
Lately I realize that I'm not fully walking my talk. I'm not living by my own principles and what I preach here on Struck Inside Out. I'm not basking in the glory and delight of the little things.
I keep setting goals for myself and the moment I achieve them, I'm already thinking about the next thing rather than sitting in the beauty of my accomplishments.
I ask myself: when will your life will be enough for you, Danielle? When will you enjoy this moment as much as you praise your future moments? When will you stop letting your life pass you by?
If I continue this practice of always rushing toward the "next big thing," then even when my book gets published, when I have x amount of dollars in the bank, when I reach a million followers, or when I'm on stage speaking in front of thousands of people, will that be enough for me? Or will I already be thinking of the next thing?
Also, is my idea of success my own or does it belong to society and our culture? In a world where we have access to millions of people's lives through social media, we begin to subconsciously curate a life that we believe is "perfect."
We see people laughing with their heads thrown back in their beautiful homes, with their gorgeous partners and adorable kids, wearing matching pajama sets, and watch as they travel the world endorsing top of the line products, and we wonder when we'll have that ideal life. When our turn will come to live this glorious existence of constant exploration to the most exclusive locations while receiving free products from brands who recognize us because we have x number of followers.
And when you have x number of followers, then you really made it, right?
That may sound a bit dramatic, but a lot of people think this way, and while they're so busy obsessing over strangers lives on Instagram, they're missing the perfect beauty that their lives are offering them, right now.
I may not look at that specific life as the one I desire, but I catch myself looking at female entrepreneurs who have built these incredible brands, have millions of people following them, with millions of dollars in the bank, and I recognize that that has become my idea of success. But is it really my idea, or has our culture created it to be so?
Because when I really think about it, my life is already so successful.
I direct an alternative high school helping teenagers believe in themselves and their ability to succeed. I create a home like environment for at-risk youth who have never felt love or kindness before. I teach kids to trust in themselves and their potential to be whoever and whatever they want to be.
I have the time to write and share my life with people who enjoy what I have to say. I wrote a book in the midst of a global pandemic. I started sending that book to agents and publishing companies, and even though I've only received rejection letters, I finallydid it. I spent the last five years of my life telling myself that I'd write a book and I ended up doing it during one of the most challenging times of people's lives.
I bartend at a restaurant with people who are like family to me, and customers who tell me the intricate details of their life, because some of them have no one else to share it with. I'm able to meet new people and tell my story, network and make new friends. The money I earn there helps pay for rent, bills, dinners out, and the occasional splurge.
I create and share my heart's desires every single day, and even though I don't have hundreds of thousands of followers, I'm able to share in this space where I don't have people trolling me and dissecting my thoughts to accuse me of being any label they believe me to be. I'm free to share what I want to share for the sake of sharing and being an artist. I don't have to worry so much about what the world thinks of me, because I don't have that attention on me just yet.
I have time for leisurely mornings spent meditating, journaling, sipping coffee, and thinking about my dreams. I have weekly dinners with family, grab long lunches with friends, and create my own schedule as I want it to be, which would be difficult to manage whenever I do "make it big."
I'm single and I can do what I want, whenever I want. I'm just worrying about me. And that's honestly such a beautiful thing! It's so freeing to be 100% by myself. It's the first time in many years that I can truthfully say this, and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I have so much to be grateful for. I have hundreds of things that fill my life with beauty and love, and are perfect for me right now, simply because of where I am on my journey. I know that these are gifts I'll undoubtedly miss and yearn for whenever I do reach the "next thing." And my God, I will learn to love these seemingly ordinary moments that I'll assuredly deem as "not enough" whenever my mind drifts into lack and comparison.
Because when you really think of it, the "next thing" is really "this thing" - this moment. There will forever be a list of your next things, my love. You will always be in the pursuit of something more.
But the enlightened? The awake? The conscious souls out there? Those are the people who are in full alignment with the fact that this moment, right now, is perfect, exactlyas it is.
Can you say the same about how you're living your life?
Learn to love yourself, your life and the people around you for what they're offering you.
If you don't learn to love it now, why would it be any different in the future?