(Originally published in 2015) I had been trying for a while at that point to make myself believe that I was sincerely happy. All of the pieces fit together to make a seemingly perfect whole. He was there, we spent our time together, we loved each other – everything was moving as steadily as it could with the exception of some bumps in the road along the way. I really wanted it to be enough. I wanted to feel beautiful and light when I was with him; I was always hoping for him

The thing about heartbreak is that nothing can prepare you for it. There is no road map to tell you where to start and where you'll end up. There are no directions to follow; no hand to hold; no sense of when things will get better. The thing about losing someone is that you begin to not trust yourself; your head becomes crowded with doubts - all the should have's, could have's, and what if's. Nothing feels safe, secure and familiar anymore. What they don't tell you growing u

Dear Ben, It feels funny writing you a letter; it's been so long now. How many years is it - seven or eight? Time gets blurry when we had so many beginnings, endings and in betweens. I still think about you from time to time; your face paves its way into a random, weeknight dream and somehow I still wake up not quite feeling like myself. I wonder if it will always be that way with you; if ten years down the road you'll still crawl into the driftless stirrings of my life. If y

It’s two in the morning and I’m lying in bed awake. The clock’s tick echoes through the walls of the room. Outside of my window, cicadas and crickets join in unison to play their melody of the night. Every noise rises to orchestrate a resounding sound of solitude. I’m not in bed alone tonight, but I’m lonely. I’ve been here before. Awake and restless in the middle of the night, thinking of how nothing is really wrong in my relationship, but how everything isn’t exactly right,