Updated: Dec 10, 2019
I've always believed in my intuition; the voice of truth that pilots over turbulent waters and beacons toward the light. From an early age I understood that there is a well of wisdom rooted within me; that it only takes breathing into it for it to flood.
But there are times when reason and doubt can clog my senses and what seems to be the voice of truth ends up feeling like pangs of fear. Sometimes truth and fear blend to create a mix of positive uncertainty; the kind of chagrin that sits uneasily in your stomach yet you know there's verity to it, growth in it, and a lesson to be learned.
During some of the more difficult times in my life where I was at a crossroads of what path to choose, I'd often sit in the space between I can't do this any longer and I'm not ready to leave just yet. I'd avoid my own voice and wait for something to happen to make me make up my mind. Sometimes it feels really challenging to simply listen to ourselves even when we know the hardest thing to do, the thing we fear the most, may actually be the best option for us.
Why does life have to be so heavy sometimes? Can't we just get the lesson as though fairy dust were sprinkled over our heads - gain our heightened awareness - absorb the understanding without all the baggage that comes with growth? It seems ideal, although I'm sure a life pain free, struggle-less and obstacle eliminated would get boring. We can't feel happy all of the time. We try to but we're not meant to experience only one emotion.
When my head begins relaying one negative thought after another, sprinting into some distant future, I have to bring my awareness back to the present - to what is present for me right now. I take in my surroundings, I listen for the buzz of life around me, I breathe in my current emotions, and I remember that as tough as things may appear to be, I have myself to carry me through it.
My inner well of wisdom, my intuition's sylph, humming and rustling at my center, never ceasing to bring realization and recognition. Even when I think I'm lost, it's within that absence that I become found. For even in my fear and doubt, there's beauty there, ascending in the air and landing at the soles of my feet.