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Choosing Love, Even When It Feels like the Hard Thing to Do

Updated: Dec 10, 2019

Happy Valentine's Day! The holiday that is the most loved or loathed among us. (Is it even a real holiday?)

I start this newsletter today not writing about Valentine's Day, but rather the topic of love. And not the fluffy, PDA in your face makes you want to vomit kind of love, but the love that is within all of us - the essence of who we are.

Yesterday I woke up with a big, ol' knot in my stomach that I could feel twisting and tightening by the hour. I don't know where it came from; I had no real reason to be anxious or stressed, but nonetheless, there it was, wrestling to bind itself deeper and deeper into my gut.

I've become familiar to waking up with this sensation every once in awhile - I realize that it's part of life, or at least part of my life, and it's not necessarily a "bad" thing, but just part of being human and experiencing all emotions. Yet, as much as I'm aware of this, I still judge myself for feeling the way I do, often beating myself up and talking with others about it because I feel the need to explain my different demeanor to those around me:

I don't know what it is, I just feel so off today.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I feel like this?

I'm usually always so happy. This isn't like me.

I have nothing to be anxious about...

I usually laugh afterward and brush it off, then ask myself why I need to share this side of myself with others and why there even needs to be an explanation for not feeling my absolute best. Why do I need to be happy, motivated, light, and at peace, ALL of the time? I'm not sure if that's even healthy to not feel our shadows as much as we experience our vibrancy. To be in balance, we must fall on both sides of the pendulum.

On days like these, I usually label myself as, well, kind of a bitch. (In all least within my own perspective). I find myself irritable and quick to judge. I want my space; I'd rather not be bothered and the only thoughts I can handle are the ones floating around my own head. It's as though I have no room for others, as hard as I try to break myself out of the bad mood.

I don't like when I judge others and I know it's part of our makeup to compare ourselves to those around us, but in all reality, we only measure ourselves against others when we don't feel 100% in alignment with our true nature. If we're self-conscious, jealous, fearing others' successes, tearing others down rather than lifting them up, doubting our ability to succeed, playing the victim, or any other form of not loving ourselves, then we will be quick to make judgements about other people when we know nothing about their life.

Do you ever do this? It could be when you're running errands, waiting in line at the grocery store, out with your coworkers, or exercising at the gym, and you look at those around you and the internal dialogue starts to rise and in seconds you've created an entire persona and life for the person standing in front of you.

I don't believe it's intentional when we do this, but it does happens sometimes, and on days where I feel more anxious, my inner critic grabs the mic and puts the volume on full blast:

Check, Check. One, Two.

You're all assholes!!!!


For the sake of full disclosure, I'll admit, this is me sometimes. (Please don't judge).

Lately though, when I catch myself in judgement mode, I try to laugh to show myself how silly and comical it is to put that much thought into a stranger's life, or to send such negativity that person's way, which of course, comes full circle, back to me. I'd rather send them love and hope that they are happy in their life.

Our world already has enough judgement, fear, sadness, loneliness, hate, and negativity, that we don't need to add anymore to the mix by allowing ourselves to judge. Whether it's judging strangers or the people closest to us, we don't need the extra commentary. People don't need to be judged, people just want to be understood and how can we begin to understand others or fully see them, when we're too busy making up excuses for why they are the way they are

How can we fully see ourselves and live more in alignment with love when we're always flicking the switch to have a constant stream of commentary on every, little thing?

It's okay to experience the balance of highs and lows, of happiness and sadness, but when we're at our low, we must remember that we have a choice. We can choose to let our bad mood get the best of us, or use it as a platform to strive, even harder, to see ourselves and those around us, with a deep, profound love, for the lives we are all brave enough to live, each and every day.

I set the intention today:

I love myself. I love others.

I lift myself up. I lift up others.

I am in alignment with love. I allow those around me to be in alignment with love.

By being in a vibration of love, I allow others to do the same.

My light expands to those around me.

I am an example of love and light for the world.

I create my world with a vision of love.

All is well in my world.


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