On Being Busy and Handling Anxiety
I woke up every day last week with stress and anxiety. It was so bad that I actually lost five pounds just from not having an appetite or being able to eat full meals.
I don't usually feel stress or anxiety to this extent, it comes and goes depending on my work schedule or if there are personal issues going on in my life. Last week was the breaking point where everything catapulted to the surface and all I could do was try to pick up the pieces.
Despite waking up to the largest pit in my stomach most days, I had too much to do to cave into the discomfort and lay in bed all day. I didn't have much of a choice but to push myself into work, talk with others, put on a happy face, and do what needed to get done.
At the time, I wished I had an open schedule to be able to stay in bed and process what I was feeling, but now that it's a week later, I'm grateful for the busyness. If it weren't for having a busy schedule, I wouldn't have proven to myself that I can get through tough days and weeks, even with heavy anxiety.
Yes, every day last week wasn't the easiest. Yes, there were moments where I just wanted to leave work, get in my car, drive home, and crawl straight back into bed. Yes, I had to keep telling myself that I could get through the day.
As hard and uncomfortable as it was, I still managed to rise above the discomfort and choose to do what I knew would make me the happiest and most relieved in the long run.
Now, as a result of not having the luxury to hide under the blankets and mull over personal matters, I've increased my inner strength, or my perception of my inner strength. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone, thus making my comfort zone bigger. I proved to myself that even when I feel "weak," I have an inner resilience that's more powerful than any appearance of fragility.
I am my emotions, but I am more controlled by my mindset.
I can wake up with a negative mindset and still choose to reclaim my positivity.
I am my anxiety, worry and fear, but I am also my strength, wisdom and faith.
I am whoever I choose to be.
Today I choose to be free.
Today I choose to be whole.
Today I choose to love.