It's funny, at the beginning of this year when I was battling the idea of sudden and vast change, the thought of being alone most of the time, especially sleeping alone, scared me so much it kept me stagnant. I didn't want to begin a whole new lifestyle of trying to be happy on my own when I was so used to sharing my time, space and energy with someone else. My mind had already envisioned loneliness and heartache consuming any time spent on developing a better relationship with solitude.
Now, almost a year later, I see that the very thing I was most afraid of is what actually set me free to become more of who I really am. I don't think I've ever been happier being on my own as I am now. It may have taken awhile to get to this point, but now that I'm here, I wouldn't change a thing about the path it took to arrive at this moment. All of the nights fearing solitude, the moments when my ideas about my future paralyzed me, the days when I didn't think I could handle going into work and having to present myself in a professional way - all of that time I spent worrying, and yet, it was those precise situations that brought me here, to me.
I believe there's something to be said about enjoying your own company, and not just being comfortable alone, but sincerely and whole heartedly loving who you are with or without someone else. We are always changing, always growing and evolving. We have to get to know ourselves in the deepest and most loving of ways if we are to ever be truly happy.
Happiness to me now is contingent on my mindset, how I choose to view myself, my actions, my work, and my day-to-day world. I've become someone who lives more in the dream of what I want my life to be, rather than the absence of what I don't yet have. The more I live from and in this space, the more freedom I feel, the more at home I become, and the higher I reach for my fullest potential.
