I heard ‘Conrad’
by Ben Howard
on my drive
home from work
the other night.
Do you remember
that song?
How we used
to get high
and lay in bed
over the sheets
holding hands
and getting lost
in our thoughts
as we listened?
The windows were
rolled down
and my fingers
skimmed the wind
as I thought of you
for the first time
in a long time.
Oh and I loved you
with the good
and the careless
in me.
I remembered
our life -
a life that feels
like lifetimes ago
now.
Just hearing
the melody
brought you back
to me.
Our story
unraveled like
a clenched fist
into an open palm
inviting me
to play
with my memories.
I wondered
if a song
or scent
or photo
or woman
reminds you
of what used
to be.
Of what could
have been.
Thinking of you
filled me with
a longing I forgot
existed.
Remembering us
on those nights
curled up with
each other,
stripped of clothes
and responsibilities,
needing nothing
but the other’s
arms
made me miss
the life I chose
to leave
so long ago.
Oh and I loved you
with the good
and the careless
in me.
Even if
it wasn’t enough,
I wouldn’t change
a thing.
Our memories
remind me
of what I’m
waiting for.
Your love
taught me
how to long
for more.
