I remember writing Sunday Session newsletters last January and talking about how I was experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. This time last year, I couldn't find my way out of it. The only way out was through; I just didn't know how to even begin walking through what I was feeling.
I'm beginning to think that I just don't like the month of January! There's a lot of pressure to perform at your optimal best, and do all of the things that you put off the year before. When you don't feel all that inspired to get going, you beat yourself up for it. You wonder why you're not motivated to go after your goals and dreams when there's a "clean slate" and "fresh start" to work with. (The truth is, there's always a clean slate and fresh start at any time of year - you just need to create it whenever you need one).
I was reading a newsletter from a local health care and nutrition store by me, Nettle and Rose, where they mentioned that winter is the time to turn inward, hibernate, rest, and rejuvenate. They ended the newsletter by saying that it's okay to allow yourself the time to soften and unwind. Just as the earth goes through her cycles, we too have our internal rhythms to sync into.
So, if you're like me and not feeling the beginning of the year hype, tune into yourself and your wisdom. Your emotions are the roadmap to your soul, and if you look at them as teachers, you'll become the attentive student who understands that the body's sensations lead us to where we're meant to be.
If everything you experienced was a gift and lesson, how would you respond to it? Would you question, doubt and beat yourself up over your emotions, or become quiet and grateful that divinity is speaking to you?
This mindset has helped me a lot this week, when all I've wanted to do was sleep in a few minutes longer, take a walk by the ocean instead of respond to emails, and watch movies wrapped in blankets on the couch at night. Remember, your life is both the determination to go after your dreams and the enjoyment of simply being alive.
Can you learn to embody both without fear, neglect or worry that you're somehow doing it wrong? Can you ease into a moment with presence and grace rather than filling it with more tasks? Can you learn to love the state of disarray that comes with being human and housing such large, wild and untamed dreams?
No one ever said the human journey was supposed to be an easy one. Our journey is not a straight path, but a curved and winding road that forever leads us into change and unknowns. That's the beauty of it, isn't it?
Just when you think you've got it all figured out and under control, a new layer unravels itself and you're at the beginning again. We're always at the beginning and end. We're perpetually moving through cycles of birth and death, student and master, beginner and expert.
Why then, do we struggle with this cycle, when it's the very nature of our existence?
Learn to love the cycle, the struggle, the seemingly warring energies that combat within, and become the quiet observer. Don't bind yourself so tightly to your desired outcomes and allow yourself to dwell in the in between, the middle of the beginning and end, and love the process.
This process is a life long one.
Why don't you love it now before it's too late?