I've been on a high lately.
I wake up and without having to put any effort into my morning rituals, I immediately feel a sense of gratitude for opening my eyes to a new day.
My mom sends a text to my sisters and I every morning, either letting us know that she loves us or forwarding a meme or quote that she thinks we'd like. Admittedly, the memes she thinks are hysterical aren't always that comical, but that makes them even funnier. (Love you, Mom).
Every time I see her text's notification, I feel a deep sense of love for having my mother and sisters in my life. I know there are people who would do anything to see the word "Mom" on their screens again. I'm so grateful to have the loving family that I do.
I make coffee, take my Welleum formulas for natural energy and immunity, and listen to my Spotify writing playlist while I spend the first hours of my day writing. I engage in soulful and passionate connection to the practice that nurtures me.
As I write, I look around my apartment that I feel the most at home in, and as sunlight dances across shelves scattered with books, mementoes, and plants, I honor my growth and all the places I've been that led me to where I am today.
I gaze at the books stacked on top of each other against the wall next to my couch and I envision my own book sitting among them. I'm proud of myself for doing the work required to self-publish and I can't wait meet my readers at book signings this fall. I trust that this moment is the perfect time to publish and I don't regret how long it took me to get here. Where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.
I go to work surrounded by the most diverse and interesting population of teenagers and young twenty-somethings. Sometimes I ask myself how I got here. How did I get so lucky to work at a school where I can inspire and uplift youth? I learn something new from them every day.
There's Hannah, who despite dealing with trauma no teenager should ever have to experience, still arrives to class with a smile and eager to learn. There's Sean, who's shy, anxious, and just got his heart broken, but when he sees the girl he loves in the hallway, still lifts his gaze to meet hers in recognition of the bravery required to let your guard down and love someone. There's Mark, a new student who buries his face in his phone between classes - I'm pretty sure he's struggling in every aspect of his life - but when I ask him how he's doing, he always asks how I am too.
Sometimes I find it difficult to house so many wandering, longing, and lost souls. We're a building of loss, broken memories, and futile attempts for success, but we're also a family founded in hope, redemption, and love. Even though the students attending my program struggled in their previous schools, the fact that they still show up for themselves every day despite their internal battles reveals how strong they are. It's each student's unique story of what went wrong that led them to our special community where they can make things right. How blessed I am to be part of the change that alters the direction of their lives at this pivotal time.
When I'm home at the end of the day, I'm thankful to be alone in my own space. Sometimes loneliness settles in and my thoughts play a montage of what life would look like with the partner I dream of, but lately I take pride in the life I've built for myself, by myself. Without needing things to be different than they are, I honor my life for it being exactly as it is. I don't need anyone or anything to be happier. I can choose to make this moment as happy and whole as I desire.
So, that's what I do.
I'm not worrying that this high will fade and I'll return to worry and anxiousness. I'm sure they'll return, as they always do.
As long as I know that this serenity and inner paradise always exists within me, then I can close my eyes and tap into it whenever I need to.
We are the light, answers, and contentment we're seeking. It's how we view ourselves, others, and our world that enables us to feel them as deeply as we want to and as passionately as we can.
That's the difference between those who understand that life's blessings are what they make of them and those who perpetually wait for their blessings to arrive.
Don't wait for your blessings arrival.
They're already here.
You just have to learn how to see them.
