When I saw you the other day I didn't know what to say
except that I hope you're happy.
It's funny, isn't it?
How you can know a person
inside and out,
the inner stirrings of their heart,
the way their chest rises and falls
while they're sleeping,
the noises they make
when in a deep rest,
how their face bends
when angry,
and softens with laughter,
and yet when your time
together is over,
how you resort back
to being strangers
in front of each other.
As though the story
you had written together
never happened.
As though the love you shared
never existed.
It makes me sad to think of us
in this way.
To be seeing but not acknowledging.
To be present but not awake.
To be feeling but not expressing.
I wondered what you were thinking,
if you wanted to look my way,
but were afraid our eyes would meet
and the deep dive of your heart
plummeting straight into your stomach,
a kind of ache you weren't willing to brace.
I think of you sometimes,
and I wonder how you are,
if your life is moving along
as you always hoped it would be.
Sometimes it still feels strange
not being part of your world,
the moments that lift you up,
excite you,
amaze you,
and the ones that pull you
deeper
down
darker
into the heaviness of it all.
I saw you the other day
and I didn't know what to say,
my heart was beating faster than normal,
but I wanted you to know
that I hope you're in a good place,
and I hope life is treating you well.
I hope you're happy.
