I’ve asked myself so many times in my life, When are you finally going to stop this already? How many more times do you have to experience this to realize something needs to change?
Have you done that before? You find yourself repeating the same old detrimental habits, attracting the same old types of relationships, living out the same old script that’s been rewritten numerous times with new people, places and things, but still the same old plot? Oh, and the leading character acting out this script? That’s still the same old you.
I say “old” here because the person who is walking through the motions of these outdated cycles is in a sense, an older version of you. When we continue to attract the same situations, same types of boyfriends or girlfriends, that same old nagging voice poking at us to take action – that’s the part of ourselves that is dying to give birth to something new.
We know when something is ready to be recycled into the new through our gut feelings and repeating thought patterns. They need to give their final word until they are entirely ready to pass on and leave us.
For example, I’ve always enjoyed going out with friends for good food and drinks. Who doesn’t love eating and drinking paired with great conversations and wholesome people? Nothing wrong with that at all.
But when I was in high school and college (and yes, still to this day - at times!), I never really knew when enough was enough. Dinner and cocktails would turn into late night house parties or last drink calls at nearby bars and I’d wake up to a whopping headache. Every morning that this would happen, I’d not only berate myself for drinking too much to the point of feeling like crap the next day, but I would also scold myself for ruining a whole day to a hangover.
I’m not saying that I shouldn’t have gone out and enjoyed myself. I think it’s healthy to get a little crazy sometimes and step outside of your normal routine. But when my normal routine was waking up with a cold rag on my head every Saturday or Sunday morning, (yes, I do use a cold rag on my forehead for bad hangovers – old childhood remedy from mom when I was sick as a kid), I obviously needed to change some things.
Now, I really appreciate early mornings to go for long runs or waking up to a cup of coffee and a gratifying writing session. I enjoy it so much that it’s replaced my “need” to go out too late and drink too much where I would wake up regretful the next day. This change didn’t happen overnight. Unfortunately it took many cold rags and bottles of Advil before I decided that my physical and mental well being, even if just for a few hours or a day, was worth more to me than having one more drink at a bar. But I’m not perfect and I don’t need to be; life is a process, not a destination.
My point here with this example is to ask yourselves in what areas of your life are you in need of changing? What gut instincts or thoughts are you experiencing on a day-to-day basis? We all inherently know what we need to move around and rearrange so that we will be living more whole and fulfilling lives. Tune into your emotions and let yourself experience the full degree of that feeling.
Why do I keep getting irritated when I’m around this person?
Why do I have anxiety when I wake up before work?
What is this feeling trying to tell me about this specific situation, person or thing?
Right now, for me, I know I need to work on self-discipline. I know I need to work on this because I feel very resistant to it. It keeps popping up in my mind over and over again: Wake up early and write! Focus on your first book! Instead of watching a movie, go to your computer and do research for your writing!
These are the repetitive thoughts that come to me at all hours of the day and they are often the ones I listen the least to. When I don’t listen to them and do the opposite of what they're saying, that’s when I feel that old pang of lament. You’ll know the voice you should listen to because it's what feels right and truthful to you.
At the end of the day, we are all human and we are all trying the best we can. We are here in this life to learn, grow and evolve at a soul level. Instead of resisting the changes we know we should make to be happier and healthier people, let’s begin working on those things.
Remember, you are the starring role in your own movie. What kind of movie are you trying to make?
